Denizens of the Bushwhacker Mountains

(commonly known as "bushwhackers”)

  • Switchblade's ornery, hyper-ass older sister who makes her living as a west coast sales rep for a malt liquor energy drink called "Blast-Off".  Spiky bleached (annie Lennox) hair and body full of tattoos. Tank tops and square toe leather boots.  Biker-chick like.  Lots of piercings.

  • Procrastinating (cigar-stub-chomping) car mechanic/vintage pick-up truck hoarder who lives in the remnants of his old crab boat (SS Stogie) surrounded by an ocean of rusty cars, boats, machinery and mining/logging equipment he is always planning to fix but never seems to get around to. Retired Alaska crab boat captain. Purveyor of world-famous Hubcap Museum.  Whenever it rains, Gronk likes to go over there and meditate to the sounds of rain drops pinging and dinging against all those old trucks and scrap metal.

  • Herbalist rag-lady waif.  Small and elfin-like but very spry. Dresses in layers and multiple vests with a broad-brimmed straw hat attached too her head with a colorful polka dot scarf.  Always in muddy rubber boots and a skirt. Lives in a sprawling cedar shake cabin linked together by covered board walks full of drying plant bundles and jars full of tinctures and medicines.  Plays a mean fiddle.

  • The beer-stealin' bear, but he only steals Budweiser out of coolers at campgrounds. No Coors, No MGD and none of them fancy-ass craft beers! Extra toe allows him to open beer cans and bottles.

  • Legendary native-American shaman/trout fishing guide.  Always wears plaid shirt and denim with felt slouch hat sporting a feather. Stoic but keenly observant. Sort of like "Big Chief" from Coo Coo's Nest.

  • Poet/novelist and editor-in-chief of infamous local newsletter rag Bushwhacker Gazette.  Lives in A-frame just across creek from Fern with whom she is generally associated romantically. Always writing in a notebook by the light of her kerosene lamp.

  • Stackhouse's super skinny half-brother. A virtuoso harmonica player and itinerant seasonal laborer who travels by foot and rail back and forth through the Bushwhackers as he makes the rounds between various seasonal jobs such as fall apple picking in the orchard country just east of the Bushwhackers, winter factory trawler work in Alaska and spring vineyard work at the wineries down in California).  Has huge afro that always pops out whenever he lifts off his cap.

  • Stackhouse's meddlesome pet war hog (600 lbs) --  extremely smart and unnaturally hairy.

  • Paul Bunyan’s half-brother. Extreme anger management issues. Corn Cobb pipe and ripped denim. Raccoon (or skunk!) hat, handed down from a long lineage of French Voyageurs.

  • Huge gray owl who will occasionally show up on a branch nearby the action keeping a close eye on things.  If he sees something he doesn't like, he swoops down and tries to knock a person down... terrorize them a little.

  • One armed, eye-patch wearing deaf-mute dynamite specialist who resides in a bunker just beside the hydro-electric power line transformers (this consists of a trailer house buried beneath a giant grassy earth mound). He draws power for his massive Satellite TV from the power line radiation by utilizing a giant crystal wrapped in copper wire submerged in water-filled garbage can.  He wears a tattered leather coat with both sleeves half-deteached at shoulders, giving appearance that he's just been blown up. Deaf as stone from all those years of carelessly blowing things up.

  • Pistol-packin' doobie-smokin' conspiracy theorist who blows in as a tornado out of the sky to randomly alert the locals as to the details of the latest government cover-up conspiracy. Libertarian Vietnam vet.  Part "The Dude" part Doonesbury part Dr. Gonzo.  Lived in SF and was a roadie for the Grateful Dead during 70s.  Worked for CIA during Carter administration. Wears dog tags, dusty green fatigue rag clothing and dark shades, always.  Leaves a flutter of leaflets and a big pile of dust after he goes tornadoeing back up into the sky.

  • Proprietor of the Koffee Boot.